God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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