Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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