just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
