bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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