If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
