You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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