Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize