Me. At least after what I've been through.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
