I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
