If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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