he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
