My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
