Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
