She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
