The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
