We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
