and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
