my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
