i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
