There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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