Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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