just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
