I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is Oprah even human
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize