hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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