Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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