I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
