I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
