I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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