I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
