the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize