I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
