I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
