why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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