i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
