so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
