I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
