I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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