well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
