she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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