It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
