y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
