haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
