Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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