I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
