I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
