and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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