omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
