they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Congratulations! We have a period
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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