So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
