I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
