I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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