I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
why is half of my head shaved?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
