after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
