Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize