So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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