def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
