okay pat passed out under dana's car
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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