he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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