He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
