She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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