She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Panties = found
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