she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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