I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
