I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My penis needs a shock collar
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
