I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
