worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
