He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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