I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
