Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
