my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
